All that's left unsaid
by TheNewpsies
Summary: She wants to move on but can they? Some musings from Alicia and Peter about their marriage.
1. Chapter 1

I have been reading fanfiction for 6years and never once felt i would be good at or wanted to write my own. Then this show came along and i feel so connected to these characters, i needed to know more. So to contribute this growing fandom i love, some musing from Alicia and Peter about their marriage (pre 1x17) because the show isn't called the good wife for nothing.

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When Alicia Florrick looks at her husband she sees the man that wouldn't let her say no to lunch after meeting her that day in Georgetown, the man who made coffee & helped her at 3am the night before her most important midterms, the man who married her, swept her off her feet and gave her everything she didn't know she wanted. But when Alicia Florrick closes her eyes and thinks of her husband all that runs through her head are the moments her husband wasn't there, all the family dinners he missed out on, the evenings he stayed out in the city, she had said nothing, this was all for his career but maybe it wasn't, how many of these moments was he not thinking of her and just of his own pleasure & greed. Alicia Florrick loved her husband but she hated him for what he had done to the world they had spent years building.

As seemed usual for their household lately, Alicia arrived home late after another busy day at the office. She wondered if she should feel guilty about her long hours but she knew she had to work for her family, for the money but above all for the first time in years her ambition & talent was being fulfilled, she simply loved her job. As she entered the kitchen Peter was sitting at the breakfast bar with a bottle of wine and two glasses looking deep in thought and sorry for himself. Alicia wondered if this was how she appeared to him in the last few years before…..everything. The roles were reversed and looking at him she wanted to make it all right, make the trial go away, have their family stable, be the caregiver. But she also knew this was his doing and they had to deal with the repercussions daily and she was not going to feel guilty for any of the actions she was forced, or lead to take.

Peter was broken from his trance with the sound of Alicia placing her bag down on the work surface. He pushed the empty wine glass towards her and gestured to the bottle; she nodded and reached for the glass holding it steady while he poured. There was so much that needed to be said between them but everytime a quiet moment alone like this arised, they couldn't even make any appropriate small talk. Peter knew asking 'how are you?' was redundant at this point, did he mean this moment, during the day, at work, in her life? He wanted to know how she felt about so many issues but he knew it wasn't his place to start any of these conversations. This was something that needed to be done on her terms. She was the injured party, the prosecutor, the woman he hurt in the worse possible way except in this trial he couldn't have anyone working and manipulating on his defence, this was down to him alone and the best outcome he could hope for was the opportunity to spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her. The fact that Alicia allowed him into her new home proved to him why he was right to make sure that smart, naïve & curly haired college student would someday become his wife.

"Hungry?" He asked her.

Alicia shook her head no while staring in to her wine glass. "The kids?" Landing on the one conversation topic that would always remain neutral between them.

"You know them, attached to their computers" Peter joked "Sometimes I wonder what we did with our free time when we were their age."

She smiled, knowing that as true as this was, their children were their creation and worked unbelievably hard even through all the changes in the past year. Her work now making her all too aware of all the possible effects these kind of events can have on person, especially young people.

"I've missed that."

"What?"

"Your smile." He missed everything about her when he was in jail and he wanted her to know this, to know that he never stopped loving her. In fact, working mother Alicia was more attractive to him than he ever thought. But he knew she wasn't as calm and in control as she appeared, that she needed some stability in her life.

Peter and Alicia were still married in so many ways, they both still wore their rings, they lived together, shared the parenting responsibilities. However they still haven't shared a bed since he came home that day knowing he had to tell her about everything before the police came. The investigation he had heard about but whether anything would come of it was different, what the extent was, there was always so many behind the scene dealings in his work. But then he got the call he was dreading and knew it was time to come clean with his wife.

There were so many logical reasons stopping Alicia from taking this step but she also knew she wasn't planning on leaving her husband. She wanted to take this barrier away and try functioning as a normal couple. If she was honest with herself, Alicia needed sex, it had been too long for her. She wanted to feel the connection that comes from two people at their most venerable. But sex is the issue that has most teared them apart, the real scandal in their marriage. Was it better or worse that he cheated on her with a hooker, that he paid for it when she was at home willing more than anything to hold her husband and know what was happening in his life. Now she was waiting for the right moment like an awkward teenager, just not sure if how best to approach the situation, knowing it was all up to her. That was always Peter's role, he was the one who chased after her and always moved their relationship on, making her realise that it was what she wanted before even she did. Now Alicia Florrick had to decide on making an impulse decision.

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Thoughts? :)


	2. Chapter 2

I wrote this 2nd chapter straight after the first but never got the courage to post it. But still loving this couple, the show & your reviews have been amazing, i never expected to enjoy writing so much or people to enjoy reading i but it seems you have. So thought i should share the rest with you all :D

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Alicia filled up her glass again and turned to leave the kitchen "I'm going to wind down and catch up on some journals."

Peter leaned up as she passed him and kissed her on the cheek, speaking softly "Goodnight Alicia."

She walked slowly towards her bedroom, but before she left Peter's eyesight she turned around "Would you like to keep me company?" she asked, wanting to make an effort and try to spend time together again even if it was just being in the same room and working on their own tasks. They always used to do that after the kids went to bed, Peter doing research on his latest cases and Alicia completing various household chores. Peter jumped up immediately at her inquiry, wondering if this was her finally letting him in and followed her through the apartment with a jump in his step and a boyish grin.

When they entered the bedroom Alicia grabbed some more comfortable night clothes and headed to the adjoining bathroom. "I'm going to change out of my suit but you can continue talking."

Peter looked around carefully taking in his surroundings, he had only been in her room briefly on two occasions since he'd moved in, it was strange that it was hers and not theirs. Even though it would all appear like any other bedroom to most people, as Peter looked around he could see how it was all quintessentially Alicia. Her belongings taking over all available surfaces but everything had it place with various keepsakes they had collected from vacations and otherwise over the years. It was hard to move into a smaller home but Alicia had made the best of it all and moved their large house into this apartment. He appreciated that she wasn't one of those women who when scorned went crazy and destroyed everything that reminded them of their adversary, instead she had chosen the things that meant to most and tried to give herself & their children a place to call home. But what Peter loved most about Alicia's room was that it smelled of her, her perfume that at the same time comforted, excited & soothed him of her presence.

"Sooo" Peter started as he sat down by her vanity, trying not to think about how his wife was undressing just feet away, "How's that teen vs teacher lawsuit you told me about going, do you think you will have to go court or has your client finally decided to take the offer?"

"Oh, well you know cases with teenagers, they see zeros and don't look back. Although I think the parents are trying to persuade him otherwise, they were the ones who hired us after all" she looked in the mirror trying to decide whether wear her sweater or just the chemise she planned to wear to bed. "I am missing the courtroom lately though; I seem to be getting all the cases that end up in settlements."

Peter laughed "That's the plan at Stern, Lockheart & Gardener, keeping you all locked up and away from the courtroom cashing in on all the scared opposition." Alicia didn't know quite how to reply to this dig at her firm and they fell into a silence, looking towards the bathtub she thought back to a time when they had comfortable silence.

_Alicia lowered herself carefully into the bathtub and in between Peter's legs while informing him of the latest developments in planning for the fundraising even for the new ambulatory care center at Highland Park hospital. "And then she chooses these over the top centre pieces that didn't even match which the table cloths, if they are going to insist on all these opulent decorations it shouldn't hurt your eyes."_

_Even though he wasn't listening to the details he knew how these conversations went. "Why didn't you just head up the team in the first place, you always end up taking over the details anyway." He knew as much Alicia protested about the other women that organised these events but he also knew how she loved being given purpose and responsibilities outside of their home. _

"_That's not true, well not always."She sighed adding more hot water and bubbles, she knew that even though this was her life that she loved, once she took responsibilities like that she would never be able tp leave the clique that was the Highland Park wives. She always planned to go back to into work to some degree at some point but there was just always something that seemed more important with her family everytime an opportunity came her way. When did this become her whole life not just something she do while her kids were small, they were both teenagers now but she was still the stay at home mom._

_From behind, Peter left a trail of kisses from her ear across her throat and towards her lips, he provided this home and life and he was glad she could enjoy the luxury of not working. To be around when his schedule cleared up and spend the evening with her. Alicia pulled forward and twisted her upper body to face him returning his kisses with a peck. She sunk into the water and leaned her head onto this broad chest, both falling into a comfortable silence and washing away all apprehending thoughts, just enjoyed taking a moment together._

Peter couldn't just sit still so he walked around the bedroom looking and touching various items he recognized, a painting they got as a wedding gift, seashells the kids had insisted they bring back from a trip to some Caribbean island he couldn't remember the name of. He spotted a photo frame on the bedside table but couldn't see what it was a photo of. Just as Alicia had decided on her outfit, she opened the bathroom door where Peter stood directly in front of her. She froze and gasped while Peter's eyes quickly scanned her body, he'd rarely seen her out of a suit in months and couldn't help but reach out for her.

They kissed like they hadn't in years. A kiss that went through her body like a shockwave, right to her toes, it reminded her of the man that she married and all the time they had spent together. Her mind was racing and she was letting herself go with Peter. Starting to need breath and pulled away "Wow" She stared into his eyes and just couldn't take what she saw there. Her husband that gave her her children. her husband that cheated on her. The man that no matter what she has an undeniable passion and fire for.

He started to move his hands up from her hips and under her vest, yarning to feel her skin. She suddenly pulled back "Stop.. stop, we can't, I can't. Not yet." He looked quizzically at her not knowing what she meant, it all felt great to him. "No, I want to but we can't rush this, I don't want you to expect too much. We need to talk before…. anything." She didn't know what to say, she hadn't rejected her husband like this for as long as she could remember. The problem wasn't that it felt awkward, but it was so natural to her, to them, Alicia could so easily fall back into his arms but the rational side of her brain knew that this was the starting step in the next stage of their marriage and she couldn't jump start it. They needed to talk about the past before they could move on to the future, she couldn't regret this and did not want Peter to think he was just forgiven for shattering her world.

He remembered that day when Alicia visited him in jail and told him if he was to be forgiven she needed to know what she was forgiving him for. He wasn't sure if that was a good idea or if she even felt this way still, was he meant to start this discussion or just wait for her to ask again. "What do you want to know Alicia? That I wasn't alone when I took that last trip to Washington, that the necklace you found in my bag before Christmas wasn't actually meant for you. I can tell you everything but do you really want to know?" Alicia held her head in her hands, no she couldn't take all that information. There may have been a lot of lies & half truths but she had great memories too and couldn't deal with these being tainted by her husband's transgressions.


End file.
